lincoln 

ode to sweet vicodin

Oh how I love thee. You permit me to go live my life care free. When ever I'm feeling down or that chest pain comes back or if I skip breakfast, you're always there to pick me up. So dependable. People give you a bad name (especially them movie stars), but you're alright in my book. I don't understand why people call you addictive. If by "addictive" they mean helping get through my day, the by God, you're addictive. If that's wrong then I don't want to be right. Oh sweet vicodin.

I Love Daylight Savings Time

Tim's spiel about his reflection on his life as a freshman in high school to now got me thinking about myself in the same time period. Life was so much simpler then. I knew exactly where I was and exactly where I was headed. What happened?

Isn’t it weird the things we do to enlighten ourselves and grow and contribute as a society are the very things that isolate us from said society? We read to explore our society yet it is not a group activity.

I think it’s interesting the things people do to keep themselves isolated in public environments, such as BART - listen to headphone, knitting, reading. Sometimes people just close their eyes and pretend to be asleep just to avoid eye contact. I know you’re not really sleep. There’s no head-bob, no heavy breathing. Give it up, you can't fool me, now talk to me.

Just kidding, I really hate people that talk on BART in the morning. It’s so against the etiquette.

I don’t think I could ever be a vegetarian. I could stand to cut back on the amount of meat I consume, but I love steak and chicken too much. Nothing beats a thick bloody steak.

Wouldn’t it be great if you could threaten your co-workers with physical violence? We would be a much more productive society. I bet the mafia has never seen a slump in earnings.

Why do California drivers get in the far left lane of the freeway and go slow? Are they vigilante people trying to slow down speeders? Do they all just think they’re Mario Andreti and must be the fastest person on the road? If so, they all get in the fast lane and cancel each other out People get on the freeway, make their way over in about 3 seconds, and just camp out there with all the other sheep. Makes me wish I had a big tank style canon on top of my car.

I see that Colorado is starting to crack down on the assholes driving in the left lane. I’ll be moving to Colorado shortly. Oregon is like that and it's SO nice. People only drive in the left lane temporarily to pass.

There’s nothing like getting an unsolicited compliment on a shirt the first time you wear it. It’s the best feeling. I just want to jump up and down and hug that person and tell them, “yes! thank you, I just got it and thanks to you, it’s going into heavy rotation and will be worn at least twice a week!”

I was talking to this chick at the bar the other night. She was hitting on me (I know because chicks never approach me). Anyway I asked her what she did for a living. She said she designs lingerie for a small company in the City. I replied, “Wow! I bet you don’t tell every guy that. You're only telling me this because you know I’m married. And I bet you get lots of stupid questions from single guys like, ‘are you wearing anything you designed right now? Is it a thong? What color is it?’” She said that yes, that’s exactly what happened and I hit the nail right on the head. I replied then with, sooo...what color are they? She didn’t answer. Good thing I’m married or I’d never get laid.