for all you breeders

foiled again, batman

I have no idea for a title on this one, so I'm going with the above.

on my brother's apartment, it says there is a "non-refundable pet deposit". What the hell is that? Why don't they just call it what it is - a "fee"?

Just so you know, all words in "quotes" should be read while using in the "air-quote" gesture.

How do people forget to close the gas tank door on their cars? Can someone explain the thought process here? Top it off, put the gas-gun-thingie back, screw the cap on...and I'm done. Wait, what? It's like putting on your socks and shoes, but walking away with your shoes untied. Maybe it's the new trendy thing to do? Anybody that's cool leaves their gas tank door open, didn't you get the memo?

I keep hearing a bird chirming. Is that in my head?

I don't understand what is meant by "he's not a good fit culturally." What does that mean? Is it because he doesn't engage in your mindless water cooler chit chat? Or is it something bigger like he doesn't like working late? What?

My Wednesday night Ultimate league team color is purple. Luckily, my Thursday night league team color is camouflage. Every Thursday I have to bring back my purple-shirt-wearing masculinity back from the brink of extinction with the camo shirt. It helps to keep the universe in perfect balance.

Jennifer Tilly and Joey Adams are the same person to me.