you're going to think I'm an asshole after this

Why is it that the attractive girls aren’t attracted to me? And vice versa? Is that Murphy’s Law? I’m not going to do anything crazy like kick the stupid ones out of bed or anything because they’re still physically attractive. Just don’t expect a call the next day.

In my brief experience thus far, I’ve noticed that ladies seem like the wild type but not too wild. They like someone that can stay out late on a Tuesday night, but still has a stable job and be a functioning member of society. Maybe they just like the money (which I’m ok with me for now). Lots of people can be hardcore when they’re 30, living in their mom’s basement with no job, but it takes that special someone to go to the full next day of work no sleep.

I’ve also noticed that girls can sense when you’re not trying to pick them up and that makes them want you even more. Girls are stupid.

I have better luck in my Batman t-shirt and jeans in a bar than any other outfit. Maybe chicks just really dig the Dark Knight (like me).

My friend Lisa put it very eloquently. This is my time. I am an only child for the first time on my life. Everything is mine mine mine! I have my house that I’m free to do whatever I want with. I can live my life by the moment like I’ve always want to. Thanks Lisa. You’re the best. Even if you are a little crazy.

I’m very excited about my new house. It’s not actually new, but it’s pretty much a clean slate. She left and took all the crap that I didn’t like. This makes room for my moose antlers and 7-foot long Golden Gate Bridge plans. Only problem is that it’s going to take me a while to get everything like I like it. I can’t just go buy everything right now, and that drives me crazy.

I’ve always bought Men’s Health or Maxim at the airport to read on the plane. I’ve always taken their advice on women with a grain of salt. Having an anomaly of a partner that goes against all logic (and Maxim tactics) for so many years, I had no clue what they’re talking about in these articles, so it couldn’t be true. None of this shit would work on any woman I thought. In the last few months, and many experiments, I’m here to tell you my unclimactic results. It’s about 70% successful. Granted it’s apples to oranges because every girl is different, and I’m definitely not the hottest guy in the place (like Maxim would have you believe).

One thing I’ve learned that I never thought was true. Women really do like assholes, especially the hot, seemingly unapproachable, high maintenance, Dallas girls. Who knew me saying “why don’t you buy ME a drink?” would be successful? But it is.

Then I go to California. Fully expecting my work in Dallas to be no match for CA girls. First night out and I was proven correct. These girls weren’t even that hot, but you couldn’t tell them that.

Sometimes you just stumble upon the best opening lines, literally. I met this girl my second night in CA by accidentally stepping on her toes. I swear it was an accident. I have big feet, can’t help it. (I don’t like the term pick-up lines because it’s not about "picking-up") I have a hard time with that ice breaker. I really have nothing besides “hi”. It’s really up to the girl to say hi back AND something else to get me going.

thanks

Sense that last post was kind of a pooper, I thought I'd pick it back up again. I just want to give a HUGE thanks to everyone helping through this. The countless hours on the phone, IM, in my living room, dinners that you guys have put into to helping me really makes me feel loved. Love which I haven't felt in a long time. I consider you all my close family and can't wait to pay you back.

Let's get back to normal, shall we? I got a kick out of this.

Big Fat Stinking Steaming Pile of Update

Wow a year goes by fast. So much can happen in a year, and has happened that never I thought would happen. First and biggest thing – Monica and I are splitting up.

It was going smoothly the first week after she left. Then shit hit the fan, and it's been difficult ever since. Not sure how much I should be talking about this stuff, so I might not for a while. Until the end of October.

I don’t think I’ve ever posted lyrics for an entire song. I think it’s lame when people do that. But this time, I think every line is fitting on how the divorce is going. God, that’s an ugly word. I’d rather just say “splitting up” or something. I especially like the 2 lines I bolded.

Amsterdam by Guster
I threw away your greatest hits
You left them here the day you split
Your bass guitar and Shagg's CD
Well they don't mean that much to me right now
I'm going through your things
These days, I'm changing all my strings

Chorus 1:
I'm gonna write you a letter
I'm gonna write you a book
I wanna see your reaction
I wanna see how it looks

Chorus 2:
From way up on your cloud
Where you've been hiding out
Are you getting somewhere?
Or did you get lost in Amsterdam?

You won't get too far from me
believing everything you read
You're wasted in the great unknown and I am finally ready to dispose of all your vintage clothes
Your drugs and every secret code

Chorus 1:
I'm gonna write you a letter
I'm gonna write you a book
I wanna see your reaction
I wanna see how it looks

Chorus 2:
From way up on your cloud
Where you've been hiding out
Are you getting somewhere?
Or did you get lost in Amsterdam?

From your red balloon you were a super high tech jet fighter
Floating over planet earth
Come back down here, I'll show you where it hurts
Take this bitter pill
Is it easy to swallow?

Chorus 1:
I'm gonna write you a letter
I'm gonna write you a book
I wanna see your reaction
I wanna see how it looks

From way up on your cloud
You're never coming down
Are you getting somewhere?
Or did you get lost in Amsterdam?

it's been a while

Stephen the Intern made me feel old yesterday. I have itunes playing at random in my office, and he's looking over my shoulder as I was teaching him a thing or 2 about stuff. A Green Day song from their Dookie album comes on, and he says "this is the first CD I ever bought. I was in elementary school." Get out of my office. Damned good for nothing kids these days being all young and shit.

If a sports event is shot with HD cameras, how do they pull out the HD data/video out to dumb it down for regular TV? Then be able to separate that data and send it over-the-air for the HD people without HD cable?

I have my 10 year high school reunion tonight in Conroe. Everyone I've talked to is just going to get loaded and make fun of the less successful people, but not me. There's about 5 or so people that really care to see, and I guesss everyone else for that matter. I think it'll be fun (it depends on how loaded I get).

I am an excelent photographer after midnight...

for all you breeders

foiled again, batman

I have no idea for a title on this one, so I'm going with the above.

on my brother's apartment, it says there is a "non-refundable pet deposit". What the hell is that? Why don't they just call it what it is - a "fee"?

Just so you know, all words in "quotes" should be read while using in the "air-quote" gesture.

How do people forget to close the gas tank door on their cars? Can someone explain the thought process here? Top it off, put the gas-gun-thingie back, screw the cap on...and I'm done. Wait, what? It's like putting on your socks and shoes, but walking away with your shoes untied. Maybe it's the new trendy thing to do? Anybody that's cool leaves their gas tank door open, didn't you get the memo?

I keep hearing a bird chirming. Is that in my head?

I don't understand what is meant by "he's not a good fit culturally." What does that mean? Is it because he doesn't engage in your mindless water cooler chit chat? Or is it something bigger like he doesn't like working late? What?

My Wednesday night Ultimate league team color is purple. Luckily, my Thursday night league team color is camouflage. Every Thursday I have to bring back my purple-shirt-wearing masculinity back from the brink of extinction with the camo shirt. It helps to keep the universe in perfect balance.

Jennifer Tilly and Joey Adams are the same person to me.

holy crap!

I'm a freaking celebrity! I made the front page of the fortworthultimate yahoo list serve site! Why did someone tell me this? And check out those guns...bitch!

Tulsa

Played in my first competitive Ultimate tournament this past weekend in Tulsa. It was a great time, but man, it was hot (as seen in the picture below. And the caption that came with this photo from Jason said " My sunburned neck wishes I was smart and confident enough to wear Jay's hat." What's that supposed to mean? That I have to confident to wear a stupid looking hat? You calling my hat stupid? I'll kill you. And it still didn't work very well - got sunburned as hell.

Our women's team (OvaryAction) truly represented though. They took second place in the women's bracket in a very hard fought final game against some Missouri team (freaking dykes). Underwear points are the coolest. If a team is winning by a good amount, that leading team plays the game point in their underwear. I just try not to gawk too much.

Here's some more photos from the weekend. Great job Jason!

probably the coolest picture I've taken

Coming out of the mountains, east of Flagstaff, AZ. The open prairie/grassland in front of me, the mountains behind me.



Taken last summer in the uhaul. I was just organizing all my photos, and came across this one. Never really noticed it til now.

ribbons, ribbons

These people and their ribbons are getting a little out of hand. I'm thinking of getting this one, but I might get my car keyed or something. Plus I would be becoming one of "those guys."

not fit to be gay

I don't think I would make a very good gay person. There's the obvious, but there's other things as well that make me just not fit in:

• I think Madonna is overrated
• I don't like musicals
• I would never throw an Academy Awards party
• I hate wearing tight clothes
• I prefer monogamy
• Leather assless chaps are way too uncomfortable for me
  
  Although I do like the word "fabulous", and I think flamboyant drag queens are pretty funny.

atheist huh? I can see that

You are an Atheist

When it comes to religion, you're a non-believer (simple as that). You prefer to think about what's known and proven. You don't need religion to solve life's problems. Instead, you tend to work things out with logic and philosophy.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

hehe

Mr. Big Man

I hate how every office has superficial things that portray status symbols. At my last job, certain people were given company cell phones. Here, it's laptops, then window offices. I'm still the same person! I'm not somehow better than you because I'm now a laptop person. Still working up to that window office. None available right now. But when I do get there, I won't be allowed to fraternize with anyone without a laptop.

This girl on my Ultimate team, her license plate is "911 HSY". So I nicknamed her The Emergency Hussy.

The other night we were discussing why people start smoking. Camaraderie was the #1 answer, but for me it was to cover up that weed smell. Thank you very much Cynthia Woods Michell Pavilion, Red Lot. I don't smoke anymore.

It's really hard to rock out to a Metallica song while stuck on the freeway puttering along at 20 mph behind a Neon. Where's a curvy tree-lined 2-lane road (Longmire) when you need one?

I'm really liking this new trend of chicks wearing wife-beaters. Bring on the summer!

Today is a good day. It's the longest possible time before American Idol will be on again (I know, stolen from the Simpsons re: church). Seriously, why does the news have to cover this show? This is not news.

for every beginning...

...there must be an end, I guess. I don't want bring you down with this post, but as this is a running dialog of my life, there's always a donw side to life. Yesterday we lost Cali to lung cancer. She was a great dog, great companion. Loved/lived to play, and friendly to everyone. It's such a shame, but I guess it was just her time, and she's no longer in pain. She will be missed.