Thoughts 5

Why do California people make fun of the phase “fixing to”, like you’re fixing to do something? Was there a comedian once upon a time that made fun of that? How is that funny? I don’t get it.

I think it’s funny when guys put their riced out cars up as their myspace front page profile pictures.

What does the “H” stand for in Jesus H. Christ? Herbert? Heaven? And where did that come from?

Next time I see a guy with his polo shirt collar flipped up, I’m walking up to him and flipping it down. That’s the stupidest goddamn thing I’ve ever seen. You look ridiculous. This must mean I’m getting old.

Money itself is so dirty when you think about it.

I was nodding off during a product demo today. Got caught by my coworker next to me. Not sure what they expect out of me. It was right after lunch, it’s hot in our office, the lights are out, they’re talking about switches and routers for Christ’s sake! All the ingredients are there!

People don’t say “you’re welcome” enough. “Yeah sure” or “Uh huh” doesn’t count. If someone takes the time to say thank you, tell them “you’re welcome.”

I am in this never-ending cycle of always having too many chips or too much salsa. I never run out of both at the same time so I am always buying one or the other.

I hate trying to come up with witty comments on evites. I wish the whole notion would go away. I wish I could just reply “Yes” without having to use the “sounds fun!”, “can’t wait!” or “wouldn’t miss it for the world!” because chances are, I can wait, and it doesn’t sound that fun, and I would miss it for the world if given the choice.

Who are these people that create myspace pages pretending to Jessica Simpson? Pedophiles? People in dire need of attention?

I got called obsessive today. Never thought of myself as obsessive. I don’t see what’s wrong with it though. As long as it doesn’t become possessive-obsessive in a if-I-can’t-have-you-then-no-one-can kind of way.

I think Rory is a funny name. Question to parents of kids named Rory: What, did you let Scooby Doo name your kid?

Question to people who walk up escalators: You know you’re going to get there eventually; are you really that big of a hurry?

When I went home last in July, Tim and I went together and my mom picked us up at the airport. My mom recognized Tim before she recognized me. A little disheartening. I guess it’s time for a haircut. Not really.

I miss Sonic. And Whataburger.

I faked sick last Friday. I come in Monday and my boss says “you feeling ok, you still look like hell.” Hmm, as a matter of fact, I am felling a little light headed. I better go home.

I hate the fact that I will never know if I am physically attractive or not. The only opinion I can trust is that of a complete stranger who approaches me. Me asking a complete stranger doesn’t count.

When people don’t get good reception on their cell phones, why do they fell the need to hold it up in the air? Like that extra foot in the air is going to get you a signal. Put your arm down. You look ridiculous.

Maybe the Gambler does die in the Kenny Rodgers song. It’s open for interpretation, I think.

Dude, my html skills are unstoppable.

In my seismic class I learned that my house is just barely east of the Hayward Fault. That means when The Big One hits, I’ll be beachfront. Pretty stoked about that.

Thoughts 4

Why do dreams always have to mean something? Why can’t I just have a fucked up dream that means absolutely nothing?

I was looking through pictures from high school last night. God what a dork.

What the hell is that on the cover of the moon & antarctica cd?

Monica is always teasing me when we’re out somewhere and we see a hot girl. She’s all “She’s hot, I like her, I could really go for that exotic type.” What do I say to that? I think it’s some kind of trap or test. But…what if she’s serious?

It’s pathetic how I can’t live with the things I can’t understand. How I need everything labeled and explained and deconstructed. Even if it’s for sure unexplainable. Even God.

Chicks are so funny. They always read more into things. A friend of mine threw a surprise party for his girlfriend. All the guys he we like, “cool, surprise party, we’ll be there.” All the girls thought the ‘surprise’ was that he was going to propose to her. Silly, silly girls.

Damn myspace, doesn’t let you vote for your own picture. It also doesn’t let you IM yourself. Ahhh the hours of fun I could have doing that.

I just noticed today that there’s a sprinkler head in the shower room at the gym. Are tiles really that flammable? How in the hell would a fire start in the shower room? I also noticed that it is completely rusted over. So it’s more of a tetanus dispenser that a fire retardant. Good thing I’m in the shower if that thing ever goes off so I can wash off the tetanus out of my eyes before that lockjaw sets in.

I hate getting a bad apple. Ruins my day. Makes me not want to eat fruit again. Red apples are the worst. I’ve never had a good red apple. Contrarily, I’ve never a bad granny smith apple. Where do they get names for apples anyway? Gala, Fuji, granny smith, golden/red delicious, wow I’m boring.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your mom jokes will never get old. Unless that person’s mom is dead. Then your fucked.

No! I will not give you my seat no matter how much you clear your throat at me. Women’s fucking lib, bitch! Yeah, I’m THAT guy.

Why did they change the name of congressman to congresswoman, but they didn’t change senator to senatress? (i.e. actor =>actress)

Why do chicks love horses so much? What’s the connection there that men don’t have?

Why did my grandfather always blow his nose and clean out his ears (with the same hanky) at the table after dinner?

Going No. 2 has really changed over the years. I remember it used to be sit down, boom, your done, and your out. Now it’s like a half hour ordeal. That’s all I’m going to say about that.

On those bulletin questionnaire thingies, I hate it when I think of a better response later in the day. It’s not like I can go back and redo it. Same thing with comebacks. I hate that!

BART was free today. “Spare the Air Day”. When ever it gets hot there’s a higher chance of smog from cars or something. They say they will loose $2 million in revenues just from this morning’s commute. How in the hell are they always in debt? $4 million a day just in revenues plus the federal and state grants for being a light rail system. Are you kidding me? It’s gotta be the unions.

I miss the Olympics. I miss women’s beach volleyball and those asses. I miss late night skeet shooting qualifying rounds. I miss synchronized swimming. That’s right I said it! Those chicks are amazing.

If you take a shower before bed, are you supposed to put on deodorant?

The huge industrial lights at my gym are perfectly placed so that if I lay back to do bench press, they shine blindingly right in my face. Did they put that light there on purpose, just for shits and giggles? Why can’t they move it 1 foot to the left? I bet they’ve never gotten that complaint before.

We went to the beach last weekend along with everyone else in the Bay Area. There’s been lots of shark attacks and advisories lately, so you’re only allowed to go knee deep into the water. Well there’s a big crowd and like most Californians, everybody pretty much does what they want, which means go out as far as they want. This fire station across the street from the beach blows its air horn to release a truck. I’ve never seen people move so fast out of the water.