More Randomness

Who came up with button fly? This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. I don’t get it. Why would anybody buy button fly jeans? I like spending 10 minutes trying to undo my fly when I gotta pee. It makes me feel so alive!

Whenever I get ID'd, I always give the guy this insulted yet understanding look. I don’t know why. It’s as if I’ve lost all memory of being underage. Underage people don’t exist and never have in bars to me. Then I look at the 11 year old picture on my TX driver’s license. Still keep that thing. Don’t know why.

Do you think garbage men ever get woken up at some God awful early time saying “what’s that racket!?”

Along the same lines, is there anything a raccoon won’t eat?

My friend Genaro, who just moved to So Cal, is the Always Late Guy. I think this bothers me because I’m usually very punctual. No matter where we go, he is always at least half an hour late. I’m tell him, “dude, you’re not a chick. I don’t understand why you can’t just leave earlier, not leave at the time you’re supposed to be there.” He says, “why is everybody so picky about when I show up?” I say, “G, the party was yesterday.”

My parents and other people their age in Texas for some reason tend to add the possessive apostaphe “s” to every place of business. It drives me nuts. Eckerd’s. Wal-Mart’s. Furrow’s. Kroger’s. JCPenny’s. What the fuck? Wal-Mart’s?

I think it’s funny that anything food-wise with the word ”California” in it means with sprouts and avocado. Is that all we are to the rest of the United States of Jesusland? Avocados and sprouts? Well, fuck you! My governator can beat up yours.

There’s nothing worse than being in the middle of working out and realizing you have to take a shit. You try to do another rep but quickly come to the conclusion that the thrusting is counteracting your clenching. Just about the only good thing about taking a shit at the gym is that it’s pretty much the only viable excuse why you only worked out for eleven minutes and then had to leave.

Who are these people that like Will Smith’s acting? Better yet, Will Smith’s anything? Red state people probably.

The Abyss In My Head

I like the word “fucktard”. Very descriptive. Hits the nail right on the head.

What the hell does “woot” mean? What fucktard came up with that shit?

I love wearing my black trench coat on a rainy day. Feel like such a pimp. A villain, really.

Why isn’t my tree changing color yet? It’s fall goddammit! Go ahead and fall already.

Why does Juliette Lewis always play the part of the simpleton or “slow” person? She’s a great actress. I think she should pick different roles sometimes, that’s all.

I really hate it when people have conversations on the train in the morning. I know it’s public transportation, I know they feel they have to have meaningless small talk about their daughters’ soccer teams that neither one cares about, but this is not fucking social hour! I can’t sleep with you flapping your gums in my ear for 30 minutes! Do you see any one ELSE talking? There are a hundred people on this train and it’s just you. Shut the fuck up! I really need my 30 more minutes of sleep. Thank you.

I hate that sinking, let-down feeling the moment I realize something that has always been interesting to me suddenly becomes boring.

I constantly eat sunflower seeds at work. I decided the other day to be adventurous and try the flavored ones. The jalapeno flavored ones just about burned a hole through my check, and the ranch flavored ones (ear muffs, katie) tasted like they were coated in mayonnaise. Lesson: Stick to what you know.

I wonder if I could publish this crap. I’ve read bigger crap than this. I wonder if anyone would read it or more importantly buy it. I just want to call myself a published author dammit! My technical papers in the National Transportation Journal don't count.

I can't keep a japanese maple alive to save my life. I think I get into trouble when I try to bring an outdoor tree inside.

Belt buckles are so dirty when you think about it. What’s the second thing you touch after you poop, before you wash your hands? When's the last time you cleaned your belt buckle? same as me. never.

I love Halloween. Gives the nice girls an excuse to dress slutty, and the slutty girls to go even more slutty. And then you have the never ending myspace pictures that the girls put up and say “~:::~oh it’s just for Halloween, hee hee!!!11!1one~::::~” Awesome.

Is it "ironic" that red is used to represent republican states, yet liberals are often referred to as communists? Does that count as irony? I used have it all my 9th grade rhetoric lingo straight until that bitch Alanis Morissette came along and started messing with me. Not that I really cared anyway.

I hate this standard time shit. Why can’t we be on daylight savings time all year? Wouldn’t that be more energy efficient anyway? I hate being at work in the dark.

I got pretty wasted last weekend. I had just finished my engineering licensing exam and decided to let loose. The next morning I felt miraculously fine. I got up, made some dry toast, then proceeded heave it all up exorcist style. I told Monica it must be food poisoning. After the 27 drinks I had just a few hours ago, what do I blame for the regurgitation? Toast.

Another thing I’ve learned over the years: when drinking, variety is not the spice of life.

It’s so easy to find excuses to not go to the gym. I haven’t been in three weeks. I should go to the gym, but right now I really need to pick my nose, and I can’t do both.

Oh myspace, when will you bring back the ranking thingy so I will have self esteem again?

I don't get it

I thought we had a chance. I thought it was supposed to be close. Yet Kerry is calling Bush this morning to concede. I thought we had a chance to correct the past.

I don't understand this country anymore. I thought the demographic for Republicans was the white, rich, white-collar old people and the democrats were the hard working middle class and minorities - the majority of this country. Yet last night as I watched Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama, Florida, Ohio fall the side that gave tax cuts to the richest .5% of this country, I confirm to myself that most people in this country are fucking stupid and have fallen the fear brought on by that dick Cheney. “A vote for Kerry is a vote for terrorism. You don’t want terrorism, do you?” (made that up , but that’s the gist of most of his speeches.)

P. Diddy has failed us once again.