More Randomness

Who came up with button fly? This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. I don’t get it. Why would anybody buy button fly jeans? I like spending 10 minutes trying to undo my fly when I gotta pee. It makes me feel so alive!

Whenever I get ID'd, I always give the guy this insulted yet understanding look. I don’t know why. It’s as if I’ve lost all memory of being underage. Underage people don’t exist and never have in bars to me. Then I look at the 11 year old picture on my TX driver’s license. Still keep that thing. Don’t know why.

Do you think garbage men ever get woken up at some God awful early time saying “what’s that racket!?”

Along the same lines, is there anything a raccoon won’t eat?

My friend Genaro, who just moved to So Cal, is the Always Late Guy. I think this bothers me because I’m usually very punctual. No matter where we go, he is always at least half an hour late. I’m tell him, “dude, you’re not a chick. I don’t understand why you can’t just leave earlier, not leave at the time you’re supposed to be there.” He says, “why is everybody so picky about when I show up?” I say, “G, the party was yesterday.”

My parents and other people their age in Texas for some reason tend to add the possessive apostaphe “s” to every place of business. It drives me nuts. Eckerd’s. Wal-Mart’s. Furrow’s. Kroger’s. JCPenny’s. What the fuck? Wal-Mart’s?

I think it’s funny that anything food-wise with the word ”California” in it means with sprouts and avocado. Is that all we are to the rest of the United States of Jesusland? Avocados and sprouts? Well, fuck you! My governator can beat up yours.

There’s nothing worse than being in the middle of working out and realizing you have to take a shit. You try to do another rep but quickly come to the conclusion that the thrusting is counteracting your clenching. Just about the only good thing about taking a shit at the gym is that it’s pretty much the only viable excuse why you only worked out for eleven minutes and then had to leave.

Who are these people that like Will Smith’s acting? Better yet, Will Smith’s anything? Red state people probably.