Mr. Big Man

I hate how every office has superficial things that portray status symbols. At my last job, certain people were given company cell phones. Here, it's laptops, then window offices. I'm still the same person! I'm not somehow better than you because I'm now a laptop person. Still working up to that window office. None available right now. But when I do get there, I won't be allowed to fraternize with anyone without a laptop.

This girl on my Ultimate team, her license plate is "911 HSY". So I nicknamed her The Emergency Hussy.

The other night we were discussing why people start smoking. Camaraderie was the #1 answer, but for me it was to cover up that weed smell. Thank you very much Cynthia Woods Michell Pavilion, Red Lot. I don't smoke anymore.

It's really hard to rock out to a Metallica song while stuck on the freeway puttering along at 20 mph behind a Neon. Where's a curvy tree-lined 2-lane road (Longmire) when you need one?

I'm really liking this new trend of chicks wearing wife-beaters. Bring on the summer!

Today is a good day. It's the longest possible time before American Idol will be on again (I know, stolen from the Simpsons re: church). Seriously, why does the news have to cover this show? This is not news.

for every beginning...

...there must be an end, I guess. I don't want bring you down with this post, but as this is a running dialog of my life, there's always a donw side to life. Yesterday we lost Cali to lung cancer. She was a great dog, great companion. Loved/lived to play, and friendly to everyone. It's such a shame, but I guess it was just her time, and she's no longer in pain. She will be missed.

Japanese Propaganda

I thought this was interesting. Japanese WWII propaganda.

stereotypes

I've been working on this list for a while. I think it's ready, so here goes:

Scientology: Xenu blew up Thetans and now they're stuck in my body.
Islam: If I blow myself up I get 72 virgins.
Catholicism: This cracker will turn into Jesus when I eat it.
Christianity: An invisible man lives in the sky and grants wishes.
Republicans: Terrorists are a monolithic entity led by Osama Bin Laden who all want to destroy the West.
Microsoft: Every action should have a "Are you sure you want to do that" dialog box attached to it.
US Military: There's nothing gay about the military, and if we allow gay people in, they'll spend all their time sticking things in their butts instead of fighting the enemy.
Democrats: Criminals just need hugs, and were abused as children, so it's not their fault.
Southerners: The South will rise again; heritage, not hate.
Women: I can change him.
Men: She's only a lesbian because she hasn't experienced me.
Gay Men: People love to see my flamboyant side. They think it's so cute and funny.
Lesbians: I consider myself open-minded, but I hate all men.
Parents: People are interested in hearing my child quietly fuss (i.e., screech).
SUV drivers: Waiting till the last moment to slam on my brakes won't bother anyone behind me, despite the fact they can't see around my gas guzzling behemoth. Also I'm protected by an invisible shield.

Now, who did I miss?

"Labels are for cans, not people." -Anthony Rapp

untitled

I love Family Guy, and have seen many episodes, but could they please try to make the asides not so long and drawn out? ok I got it, Moby Dick stayed at your house and he's a little bitchy, let’s get back to the plot.

And why does every supporting character on Family Guy have to sound like everyone else?

It always erks me a little after I order something at a restaurant, and the waiter says, “oh that’s my favorite!” Is it really? I bet you say that to all the guys.

I'm thinking of making a t-shirt that just says "Pumps Suck".

I think the English/grammar outline rule that says you have to have a "2." for every "1." and a "b." for every "a." is stupid.

I love the subtleties of google and gmail, like when I delete my spam, it says "Hooray, no spam here!"

I made a CD to be played during our Ultimate game tonight. It's hard coming up with a mix that general enough that everyone will like, upbeat, and songs that I like. I hope everyone likes it. A lot of pressure there!

I visited the Tommy Bahama store at the San Marcos outlet mall this past weekend. Man, I now know where all these old men get their ugly-ass shirts. And expensive! Maybe they think that if they pay $90 for a polo shirt with parrots and palm trees plastered all over it, it looks good?

I co-signed for my brother this weekend to buy a new car. He's still in college and doesn't have a credit history yet. It felt really good to help him out. No one else will. He's making all the payments, which I'm a little nervous about. Not about him paying, but paying on time every month. as a joint venture, we are equally responsible, and our creidt will be equally affected.

it's a living document

Whenever I explain to people what I do (only when they ask), their eyes sort of glaze over and we're off the topic in a minute or two. I can't tell if it's because it's truely boring to them, or they don't get it or what. If they're truely interested they ALWAYS follow with, "oh yeah there's this traffic light by my house that needs fixing..." Right, I know, I'll get right on it. If it's a girl that seems interested and asks more questions, I know she's flirting with me because she couldn't possibly be interested in my work. Just trying to get in my pants. Gauw, I'm not a piece of meat! ok maybe a little.

The fact that “socialite” is even a word bothers me.

Last week, I bought a bottle of water and a danish at the Dallas airport. When the cashier rung me up for $2.76, I asked, “Oh, did you get the water too?” The cashier laughed unusually hard then said, “Of course – that’d be a pretty expensive danish, wouldn’t it?” I actually had to think about it for a few moments before realizing that, no, I had no fucking clue if that’s an expensive danish or not.

Ever say goodbye to everyone after a long night and then get halfway down the block only to realize you forgot something, like your jacket? You always have to go back, acknowledge the weird looks everybody’s giving you, respond to irritating little gibes like “Hey! Back already?” then reclaim your jacket and hoist it skyward while doing a half lap around to demonstrate to the gathering crowd that all is well and you’ve simply returned to retrieve the North Face you now wish you’d never purchased.

Guys at the gym wearing bandanas intimidate me.

Ultimate people are some of the most creative drinkers I’ve met. In addition to the drinking-a-disc exercise, they’ve invented a solitaire style drinking game. It’s like flip cup, but instead of having 2 teams, you play your right hand versus your left hand. Awesome.

nacogdoches

went to Nacogdoches this past weekend for a Ultimate tournament. We had so much fun. It's called One Night Stand. There's about 15 teams, and we stayed up until dawn on Friday night partying, slept all day Saturday, then played at least 5 games Saturday night until dawn. We played 6 games, and won the consolation championship with our 10 person Ft Worth team (yes, I know, 1st place loser). I was humbled by others' skills as I watched teams from such places as Austin and Shreveport make crazy throws I've never seen before.

I was glad to see the Dallas Ringers team get beat. It's supposed to be a fun, get drunk and have fun tournament, and they brought this serious, all-star team of like 25 people. And it's not because I'm bitter about losing to them 15-3, or that I didn't get invited to play with them. We were playing beer-in-hand points in protest of their bad Ultimate spirit. They thought they were tough shit until they lost twice to the same team. Too many chefs in the kitchen - couldn't gel at all, and the other team's girls were way faster, even while drunk.

why do I always look like the giant ogre in every picture? I'm going to have to start standing in the back of pictures again. I guess my elementary school teachers put me in the back row for a reason. The guy 3rd from the right is the same height as me. and open your eyes, freak. sheesh.

I also learned this weekend that a disc can hold a full pitcher. I know, doesn't seem physically possible, but normal eulcidian space does not apply when the alcohol comes into contact with disc plastic.